Episode #030 Couples By Intention with Elliott Kronenfeld, LICSW, CST
It’s a question people frequently ask themselves “what will make this relationship last?” or “why don’t my relationships work out?” For each question like this there are THOUSANDS of articles, old wives tales, and best friend “advice” for the answer.
Whether you stay up to date on the latest relationship/sex tips from Cosmopolitan, or you frequent your best friend’s advice section chances are you have come across a lot of information about what the “Glue” of a relationship is. Many couples are extremely distressed worrying about how much sex they should be having to solidify a long term relationship. Others are afraid of how much time they “should” be together. The list of questions goes on and on. Well what if I told you that sex and love are NOT the glue in a relationship?
Sounds counter-intuitive from what the media and popular belief, and it’s true! Elliott Kronenfeld has been working with couples who expressed these exact sentiments. He worked with them to find the real “glue” in relationships and the difficult demands that are placed on modern relationships. Elliott joins Braxton on the show today to talk about what keeps relationships together for the long run.
Elliott differentiates couples by default versus couples by intention. Frequently couples find themselves wondering why they are in a relationship or why they are feeling stuck in boring pattern. Elliott offers options for couples that want to build their relationship to last and are looking for the strengthening bond to help their relationship go the distance.
In his book “couples by intention” Elliott explores a 2 column exercise couples can use. He speaks about strategic relationships and curiosity, speaking from “I” in communication, and how “Intimacy is the Balance of Safety and vulnerability.”
He talks about “The no helping rule” which helps couples avoid assumptions and damaging expectations.
If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level this episode will start you down the right path.
Resources from the show:
Find Elliott Kronenfeld’s book “Couples By Intention” https://amzn.to/2CNqNMD
Elliott’s practice in Brookline MA https://www.insightbrookline.com/elliott-kronenfeld-page
Mating in Captivity by Esther Perel https://amzn.to/2CMvkPr
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